A Beginner’s Guide to Eating Pasta with Nothing on It for Dinner

By Shawn

What you will need:

Pasta
No other food in the house
An aversion to ordering take-out, because you’ve already spent too much money this week
An unwarranted feeling of being “too busy” to go to the grocery store

Steps:

1. Find an occupation that pays little but is very time consuming, e.g. grad school.
2. Have a busy week or two.
3. One evening, realize it’s dinner time, and walk over to fridge.
4. Open up fridge only to behold a desolate wasteland.
5. Think, “Uh oh.”
6. Search cabinets desperately.
7. Find one half-empty box of tri-color rotini noodles, purchased because you saw the word “spinach” on the box and thought they might be healthy.
8. Think to yourself, “Well, there’s that, I guess. Do I have any sauce?”
9. Go check.
10. Nope.
11. Ask yourself whether you’re really gonna do this, or whether it wouldn’t be better to break pledge not to spend more money on take-out this week.
12. Decide that financial self-discipline requires eating aforementioned tri-color rotini.
13. Bring large pot of water to a boil. Add tri-color rotini. Let boil for 9-10 minutes for al dente perfection.
14. Drain water and serve plain. Consume half-heartedly.
15. Go to the damn grocery store already.

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